He never left me.

I vividly remember the day that I surrendered CONTROL to God.
And oh, what a life saving day it was for my soul.

Without telling the whole story, I'll just list a few facts:
I was in the thick of nursing school at the University of Alabama, and had officially received the word that I would need to sit back a semester to repeat a course I'd not passed.
I had recently settled with the fact that me and my long-time boyfriend would not be together forever.
I was knee deep in sorority life... and all the partying that came with the title.
I was only sleeping 4 hours or so a night and waking before dawn to get my workout in.
I was eating poorly, partying hard, cramming my brain, pushing my body to its limit...
.........all while trying to maintain MY life, MY decisions, MY way, MY CONTROL.

I broke.
Hard and fast.

Jesus always prevails.
He's always waiting for us to return to him.
Reality is, he never left us...even at our lowest.

"To be fully know and fully loved gives us an immense and crazy freedom to be the woman God made us to be, to respond to the Holy Spirit without fear, and to love without reservation. He has equipped us fully with His power and truth." (Wild and Free)

In that quiet little college apartment, I SURRENDERED MY CONTROL. I gave it all up from MY will to THY will. I prayed that Jesus would capture my heart and "break my heart for what breaks yours". I listened to this song on repeat with tear streamed eyes crying out to God.

I SURRENDERED.

"When we flip the script and remember who the main character is, it takes the pressure off us. We get to lay down the burden of getting it right because God's already got this---completely." (Wild and Free)

I no longer had to measure up to who I thought I needed to be.
I no longer had to compare my body to others.
I no longer had to be the best in areas that I just flat out wasn't.
I no longer had to be the most fun and pretty friend around.
I no longer had to make the best grade on the test.
I no longer had to worry about planning my future engagement and when it would happen.
I no longer had to CONTROL EVERY MOMENT, CHOICE, DECISION, NEXT STEP I would take.

inhale. exhale.
I can breath again, Lord.

I think about that day I surrendered often.
While working out the other day, "Once and For All" came on, and the lyrics took me right back to that day. I know that Jesus uses that precious, freeing memory of mine to keep me grounded and confident that when I surrendered my control to Him that day, I did so -once and for all-.

once and for all: the last time; finally.

No matter where you are today. No matter what state this post finds you in. No matter the mindset you're clinging to.....SURRENDER to Him. Once and for all. Finally.

"You can stop running, stop striving, stop hoping that one day you'll be the best version of yourself. You can walk away from comparison, throw shame in the trash, and stop skipping around worrying about whose toes you'll step on." (Wild and Free)

It's your turn now, mommas.
SURRENDER > CONTROL.

O let this be where I die

My Lord with thee crucified

Be lifted high as my kingdoms fall

Once and for all, once and for all

-Lauren Daigle

once and for all,
reagan

13.1 and done.

13.1 miles.

It really happened. I ran 13.1 miles without stopping once. 

This is something I never thought possible. A goal I never imagined I could accomplish. I've tried countless times before to train for a half marathon, and I always "quit" due to knee pain, lack of time, decreased motivation to put in the work. blah blah blah.

This time it was my husband's idea to train. He set a few goals for himself (which many people questioned were even possible to attain... BOOM) and he asked a few friends to join in. With the help of one of our gym-endurance athletes, Monte, Iron Sharp Endurance was created. He organized a group of athletes from the gym and offered a Crossfit-version of endurance training. Much to my surprise (you know crossfitters don't love long distance running, amiright?) we had a solid group of gym family committed to run! Our training included 3 day's per week of running and a strength session before each run. My resources, as well as my time/flexibility, are limited so I trained by running 3x per week in addition to my 5 days of normal crossfit. I know for me mentally, keeping my crossfit workouts present during the run training kept me motivated and interested. I'm afraid in the past, I simply just never enjoyed running (and still don't frankly) which led to my burnout and thus my quitting. Not to mention the knee pain I was having....by incorporating Strength sessions into our run training, we built strength and stamina at the same time.

I have to give a shout out to my girl Carri and her hubby Joe! If it weren't for their generous hand-me-down double stroller, training for this half marathon would have been out of the picture for me. I can't thank yall enough and this baby has got some miles on it now! Not to mention the kids loved to "hit the trails"!

If it weren't for these folks holding me accountable and encouraging me along the way, I probably would have just "quit" again. The community, or FAMILY as I call it, at our gym is simply incomparable. These people are so much more than gym-friends to me. These people are jewels.

Race weekend was a great time with awesome fellowship. We had an amazing group of athletes put in the work and watch it pay off as they crossed the finish line on Sunday. I firsthand witnessed my first ever race weekend, and what I saw was simply incredible. The people that run this race amazed me. From newbies (like me!) to experienced marathoners, the energy, guts, and drive out there on that course is exhilarating.

So I've heard it said before and now I'm stating it myself, "13.1 and done".
Let's go lift something heavy now.

crushing goals,
reagan

wild and free

new year. new perspective.
fresh start. focused vision.
exciting adventures. nervous changes.

I love the new year. My goal-setting, to-do list writing, planner loving self just thrives off of the turn of a past year into a fresh one. 2017. What will you hold for me? For my family? For my faith? I could pinch myself with excitement at the thought of those statements! But I am equally as scared and anxious at the thought of all the change ahead....

You see, I married a passionate and dedicated man. My husband is driven, focused, and he doesn't look back. If something new comes up- whether it be an business opportunity, fresh idea, spark of inspiration- he tends to blow full steam ahead! Michael is an inspiration to many, myself being his biggest fan. He doesn't stop for road bumps and he refuses to take no for an answer. One thing I'm learning about our relationship is that he tends to get his way in the end of the deal....but you know why he does? Because 99% of the time, he's right. Yep, I said it. My husband almost always has the right hunch about things...between his gut reaction and his God-led guidance, he just plain is. So, when he is offered an outstanding opportunity and his dreams begin to line up with God's provision for his life.....as his wife, and his biggest fan, I say YES.

The start of a new year give me free reign to focus. I can literally see empty months down the road and blank pages of my new planner and use that as excitement and a vision for our future.

fresh goals. fearless faith.
open eyes. open heart.
wild calls. confident answers.

big God.

Is the Lord calling you to new adventures this year?
Is God asking you to step out of your comfort zone and follow His path instead of your hunch?
Is Jesus your leader or are you continuing to hold on to control and write your own story?

I can hear Him calling you from over here, momma.
surrendering is the most freeing "goal" you'll accomplish this year.
And even if it's the only goal you reach, I can assure you that defeat won't win your heart for 2017.

running full steam ahead on Jesus {and coffee},
reagan

year in review: twenty sixteen.

Looking back on 2016, Michael and I experienced countless lows scattered with some highs. It was quite a year. Despite the lows, I choose to praise the highs because I'm a glass half-full kinda girl.

january-
we celebrated Michael's 30th. I had grand plans for a huge surprise party, but as life does, it came so fast and I didn't get it planned. We did have a mini surprise party at Soulshine with family and close friends

april-
we celebrated 5 years of marriage with a babymoon/anniversary trip to Nashville. My darling godmother Babsie and her husband, Dave, were excellent hosts who spoiled us rotten. picture this: sleeping in late, waking to breakfast and coffee on the table, no agenda or kiddos schedules to stick to, working out without a stopwatch or baby monitor, and a lovely dinner under the sea at the Aquarium Nashville. I know, I still pinch myself. It was wonderful, even if I was 8 months pregnant!

may-
Everett Peter McElroy joined our family on May 7th, earlier than expected but granting us with a few extra days to celebrate his sweet life and baby snuggles. I'd had contractions weeks leading up to his birth so I wasn't alarmed when they became more regular. On Thursday May 5th, I thought I was gonna have a baby! I did what ever other fit momma would do, and I decided to go walk two miles while regularly having irregular contractions the entire trek. I will never forget the details of that walk...I prayed and worshiped the entire time. I giggled at the passerby's on the path who looked at me like the crazy momma I was- working out at 9 months pregnant in public and acting like it's completely normal is just funny and frankly a bit crazy to most. I speed-walked proudly down that path with my swollen ankles and dangerously low hanging belly, all the while praying out loud to Jesus and singing worship songs in between the prayers....all of this while counting contractions. Despite my best efforts at bringing this baby early that day...I woke up Friday and he was still in there. It actually happened exactly the way I had always expected it to happen though. The next afternoon, Friday, I arrived to the gym for my daily dose of Crossfit with my Iron Sharp Family. I was  preparing to do my final workout of this pregnancy and hurriedly warming up and getting my equipment set up when it happened...i'll spare yall the details but I knew I shouldn't attempt to finish my workout that day. I was about to meet my little boy! The Lord knew just what I needed when it came to going into labor with my second little love...the next 12 hours were absolutely refreshing and perfect for this gracious momma. All the dots connected and I met my sweet boy the next day at 12:01pm while listening to 'Holy Spirit' in a room filled with love, laughter, and sweet tears of joy.

july-
July 2016 will forever be ingrained in my memory as nothing less than awesome! It was this month that I became a full-time SAHM, launched One Gracious Momma, and jumpstarted my new lifestyle of healthy habits. I'll refer you back to this post where I described all of these awesome happenings in detail. The ability to be home with my boys is by far the most rewarding and most grateful blessings I have received thus far. (besides April 30, 2011 when Michael and I became wholly His as ONE in Christ).

september-
I competed in my first Crossfit competition in years- team of course and all for fun! We spent a few days at the beach with family to follow the competition- Everett's first beach trip! This was refreshing as it was our only vacation this summer since Everett was born. We celebrated my big boy's 3rd birthday as well this month!

october-
I rang in my last birthday of my twenty-somethings. The clock is ticking towards 30 and I already know it's gonna rock!

november-
We excitedly welcomed my brother home from deployment! Lots of family time was had by all, and we celebrated Thanksgiving holiday with our entire family at our house. BLESSED.

december-
This month flew as it tends to do every year. I really love Christmas season and all the it entails- the decorations, the music, the smells, the cooking, the snuggles, the movies, the gifts, our Savior's birth. This was the first year that my oldest (halfway) understood the magic behind this season. Michael and I have had several 'Santa' discussions, one's we'll surely have to share with our Camp next year. Everett's first christmas was filled with crawling, present and ornament grabbing, and sitting up. My boys are growing up before my eyes...and I'm thankful I won't miss any of it.

As we ring in the new year. As we look forward to 2017. As we anticipate, set goals, plan, and make resolutions......
may we be PRESENT.
may we be PERSISTENT.
may we be BRAVE.
may we be BOLD.

present in the little moments that I would hate to miss.
persistent in prayer.
brave in my mission to declutter and become a minimalist.
bold in my faith.

present with Jesus, with our spouse, with our families.
persistent in our goals, our dreams, our mission, our passion.
brave to be the best version of ourselves.
bold to finally do those things that we've always been too scared to do.

see ya later, 2016.
let's do this, 2017.

here's to persistence,
reagan

sleep who?

when your 7 month up {finally} starts sleeping through the night and your 3 year old suddenly decides to start getting up at all hours.....

sleep.
it's not something we're used to in this household.
it's not something we get much of.
it's not how we make best use of our time.

As a child, I was what you would call a "night owl". My mom's favorite story to tell is that she would find me up at all hours rearranging my bedroom furniture. I remember staying up late, but I also remember waking early. My motto on sleep was "I don't want to waste my day!". Whether it was Saturday morning cartoons or a chance to watch the sunrise as a child, which developed into an early morning run and coffee and quiet time in the Bama Chi-O house kitchen...I've never required much sleep (and/or enjoyed it). In nursing school, I would stay up studying until wee hours, get in bed for 3-4 hours sleep, then get up and head to the Rec to never miss a workout around 5am.

I'm not sure how healthy my sleep patterns were in my entire child and young adult life...

Fast forward to married life with kids....
I always knew I'd be fine with newborns in my life because sleep is a rare thing for them and I didn't need much sleep to get by.
Michael and I are both early risers by nature, but one huge change for me after marriage was an early bedtime as well. Before kids even, we'd be in bed as early as possible knowing that we both would be waking early to start our days. Michael as a gym owner and coach and me as a nurse- our days start much earlier than most.

Sleep is essential. There are countless reasons. I was reading something during quiet time recently that pointed out how as humans, we cannot function without sleep in our lives. Think about it...there are A LOT of things we CAN live without, but sleep isn't one of them. Michael blog's on sleep and the importance of it often. Here is one post he wrote.

I know that I'm a momma of young littles. I know that this phase will come and go before I want it to. I know that one day, I'll see a few extra hours of sleep again....

BUT.
I also know that I'm blessed with healthy babies. I'm thankful for these sleep-less creatures that I've been given to rear and raise. I'm thankful for loud cries and snotty noses. I'm thankful for little voices and gentle touches that wake us in the middle of the night.

so for now...
I'll open another box of tissues and wipe that nose.
I'll rock them no matter how big they are.
I'll tie that shoe for the twentieth time.
I'll answer to "why" and "momma, watch a trick" over and over again.
I'll hold you because you are tired of the high chair.
I'll scratch your back and tuck you and your puppy in a second time.
I'll keep you safe from crawling and grabbing things you shouldn't.
I'll read "just one more" bedtime story.
I'll relinquish my OCD tendencies and let you help me wrap the presents.
I'll pour another bowl of cheerios even though you haven't finished the first.
I'll sing another silly song and dance a little longer.
I'll share my snacks with you because "your tummy growled".
I'll wipe up another pile of spit up and wash unending loads of laundry.
I'll make silly faces and sing for you to see that gummy smiles again.
I'll pick up the toys and repack the blocks a thousand times.
I'll wipe up the milk you spilled while trying to "do it myself".

I won't ever stop.
Not ever.
Never.

I can't say I'll be well-rested or dressed-up or without black rings under my eyes....
But I can say I loved them well and hard. I've prayed for them and with them.
I will always show up.
I will always be present.
And this gracious momma will always be your biggest fan, baby.

sleep-who????,
reagan

coming up for air.

this gracious momma is about to embark on a new adventure.
this gracious momma is about to begin what could be a fairly lengthy process.
this gracious momma is about to fearlessly face my clutter head on.

this gracious momma is about to CLEAN OUT // DECLUTTER.

This topic has been on my mind for several months now. Since being home more often and constantly surrounded my my stuff....I am borderline hoarder vs. the ultimate organizer/packer. I am 29 years old and I have accumulated more stuff than knowingly possible at my age. And the truth of it all is just that.....it's just stuff.

"I will wear this again one day"
"I can't get rid of this (even though I haven't worn it in 6 years) because it cost too much"
"This was a gift from _____"
"But I really enjoyed using that dresser in our first house"
"When we have a bigger house one day, we'll need more furniture to fill it up"

I could go on.
The excuses and reasons behind why I'm holding on to that 'stuff' is endless....but the stress it causes me to live in a constant state of clutter is officially overwhelming this momma.

I've had enough.

I have been piddling through things over the last two months. I have made what felt like 'progress' on days I can count on one hand. But now, now I'm ready. And I'm putting it out there for all to see and hold me accountable for making this happen. I have been praying for this day for sometime now. I pray that God will use me and humble me in this process. I pray that I will learn just how much I have and be reminded of that in times of envy or want. I pray my 'wants' vs 'needs' will become exceeding evident. I pray that God will use my 'clutter' to bless someone who is in need. I pray that by ridding my life of more stuff, I can enjoy my family and the little time I have with them more. I pray that the 'clutter bug' never returns to this home.

< If you know anyone with a direct or specific need, please email me at reaganmcelroy@gmail.com.
I would love to help.

Lord, use my 'stuff' to bless another.
And use this purge to bless me and my family.

here's to operation declutter our life!
#blessmymess

seeking breathing room,
reagan

ever changing perspective.

Perspective: a new point of view

"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." Mark 14:36

What do you think Jesus' perspective was as he anticipated his death. He knew it was coming-fully God and fully man. He waited for the moment to arrive.

I have found myself praying for a new perspective on numerous account lately. It's not something I've been 'studying'....not something I have had on top of my mind...not something I've blatantly noticed the Lord pointing me towards...BUT GOD. I am putting the pieces together and finally hearing what the Lord has slowly been revealing to me over the last few months.

PERSPECTIVE.
to be positive in the negative.
to be thankful even when lacking.
to worship in times of trouble.
to seek HIS will when I want my own.

Each morning during the quiet and dark hours, I spend time with Jesus. (This is a precious and cherished time for me!) I read books, study scripture, draft notes, and journal my prayers. My prayers usually include whatever is on my mind that morning, something I've been praying about for weeks or months, and for people who the Lord asks me to be in prayer for. My prayer journal has revealed to me a new perspective- God's view...His will...His cup.

-At 2:30am, rocking my baby for an hour before he finally gives in, only to wake back up in a few hours and begin the process again.
       >I have been given a healthy baby boy from Jesus.
-When digging through buckets of toys, and bagging up untouched toys in perfectly good condition to deliver to Goodwill so that I can declutter my house.
       >I have a home to come to with a roof for protection, beds to sleep in, and food to eat.
-On the first of the month when your bank account reads negative red numbers, only to transfer money from a separate full account that isn't lacking.
       >I have money in the bank.
-When a decision you have been praying about finally comes full circle and the answer is obvious.
       >Jesus answers. Jesus leads. Jesus reveals.
-When crime creeps into your neighborhood where you once felt safe and trusting, and suddenly feel the need to research alarm systems, security cameras, and keeping your garage door closed as I'm home with my kids all day.
       >I am safe. There are children who wake up in the middle of the night to gunfire every day.

PERSPECTIVE.
let's seek a heavenly point of view when things get hard.
let's change our negative sight to positive praise.
let's be grateful even when things aren't going our way.
let's rid our hearts of envy and thank Him for all he has blessed us with.
let's remember the miracle of life when close friends are walking through infertility.
let's listen to the His answer's instead of seeking to find a different one we like more.
let's stand firm and fearless in a world where crime is now everywhere.

let's remember why we celebrate Christmas.
JESUS.
JESUS.
JESUS.
Not my will, but THY will.
Take this cup from me, Jesus.

"He became the lowest to show us glory in the highest"

gaining perspective everyday,
reagan