He never left me.

I vividly remember the day that I surrendered CONTROL to God.
And oh, what a life saving day it was for my soul.

Without telling the whole story, I'll just list a few facts:
I was in the thick of nursing school at the University of Alabama, and had officially received the word that I would need to sit back a semester to repeat a course I'd not passed.
I had recently settled with the fact that me and my long-time boyfriend would not be together forever.
I was knee deep in sorority life... and all the partying that came with the title.
I was only sleeping 4 hours or so a night and waking before dawn to get my workout in.
I was eating poorly, partying hard, cramming my brain, pushing my body to its limit...
.........all while trying to maintain MY life, MY decisions, MY way, MY CONTROL.

I broke.
Hard and fast.

Jesus always prevails.
He's always waiting for us to return to him.
Reality is, he never left us...even at our lowest.

"To be fully know and fully loved gives us an immense and crazy freedom to be the woman God made us to be, to respond to the Holy Spirit without fear, and to love without reservation. He has equipped us fully with His power and truth." (Wild and Free)

In that quiet little college apartment, I SURRENDERED MY CONTROL. I gave it all up from MY will to THY will. I prayed that Jesus would capture my heart and "break my heart for what breaks yours". I listened to this song on repeat with tear streamed eyes crying out to God.

I SURRENDERED.

"When we flip the script and remember who the main character is, it takes the pressure off us. We get to lay down the burden of getting it right because God's already got this---completely." (Wild and Free)

I no longer had to measure up to who I thought I needed to be.
I no longer had to compare my body to others.
I no longer had to be the best in areas that I just flat out wasn't.
I no longer had to be the most fun and pretty friend around.
I no longer had to make the best grade on the test.
I no longer had to worry about planning my future engagement and when it would happen.
I no longer had to CONTROL EVERY MOMENT, CHOICE, DECISION, NEXT STEP I would take.

inhale. exhale.
I can breath again, Lord.

I think about that day I surrendered often.
While working out the other day, "Once and For All" came on, and the lyrics took me right back to that day. I know that Jesus uses that precious, freeing memory of mine to keep me grounded and confident that when I surrendered my control to Him that day, I did so -once and for all-.

once and for all: the last time; finally.

No matter where you are today. No matter what state this post finds you in. No matter the mindset you're clinging to.....SURRENDER to Him. Once and for all. Finally.

"You can stop running, stop striving, stop hoping that one day you'll be the best version of yourself. You can walk away from comparison, throw shame in the trash, and stop skipping around worrying about whose toes you'll step on." (Wild and Free)

It's your turn now, mommas.
SURRENDER > CONTROL.

O let this be where I die

My Lord with thee crucified

Be lifted high as my kingdoms fall

Once and for all, once and for all

-Lauren Daigle

once and for all,
reagan