He never left me.

I vividly remember the day that I surrendered CONTROL to God.
And oh, what a life saving day it was for my soul.

Without telling the whole story, I'll just list a few facts:
I was in the thick of nursing school at the University of Alabama, and had officially received the word that I would need to sit back a semester to repeat a course I'd not passed.
I had recently settled with the fact that me and my long-time boyfriend would not be together forever.
I was knee deep in sorority life... and all the partying that came with the title.
I was only sleeping 4 hours or so a night and waking before dawn to get my workout in.
I was eating poorly, partying hard, cramming my brain, pushing my body to its limit...
.........all while trying to maintain MY life, MY decisions, MY way, MY CONTROL.

I broke.
Hard and fast.

Jesus always prevails.
He's always waiting for us to return to him.
Reality is, he never left us...even at our lowest.

"To be fully know and fully loved gives us an immense and crazy freedom to be the woman God made us to be, to respond to the Holy Spirit without fear, and to love without reservation. He has equipped us fully with His power and truth." (Wild and Free)

In that quiet little college apartment, I SURRENDERED MY CONTROL. I gave it all up from MY will to THY will. I prayed that Jesus would capture my heart and "break my heart for what breaks yours". I listened to this song on repeat with tear streamed eyes crying out to God.

I SURRENDERED.

"When we flip the script and remember who the main character is, it takes the pressure off us. We get to lay down the burden of getting it right because God's already got this---completely." (Wild and Free)

I no longer had to measure up to who I thought I needed to be.
I no longer had to compare my body to others.
I no longer had to be the best in areas that I just flat out wasn't.
I no longer had to be the most fun and pretty friend around.
I no longer had to make the best grade on the test.
I no longer had to worry about planning my future engagement and when it would happen.
I no longer had to CONTROL EVERY MOMENT, CHOICE, DECISION, NEXT STEP I would take.

inhale. exhale.
I can breath again, Lord.

I think about that day I surrendered often.
While working out the other day, "Once and For All" came on, and the lyrics took me right back to that day. I know that Jesus uses that precious, freeing memory of mine to keep me grounded and confident that when I surrendered my control to Him that day, I did so -once and for all-.

once and for all: the last time; finally.

No matter where you are today. No matter what state this post finds you in. No matter the mindset you're clinging to.....SURRENDER to Him. Once and for all. Finally.

"You can stop running, stop striving, stop hoping that one day you'll be the best version of yourself. You can walk away from comparison, throw shame in the trash, and stop skipping around worrying about whose toes you'll step on." (Wild and Free)

It's your turn now, mommas.
SURRENDER > CONTROL.

O let this be where I die

My Lord with thee crucified

Be lifted high as my kingdoms fall

Once and for all, once and for all

-Lauren Daigle

once and for all,
reagan

13.1 and done.

13.1 miles.

It really happened. I ran 13.1 miles without stopping once. 

This is something I never thought possible. A goal I never imagined I could accomplish. I've tried countless times before to train for a half marathon, and I always "quit" due to knee pain, lack of time, decreased motivation to put in the work. blah blah blah.

This time it was my husband's idea to train. He set a few goals for himself (which many people questioned were even possible to attain... BOOM) and he asked a few friends to join in. With the help of one of our gym-endurance athletes, Monte, Iron Sharp Endurance was created. He organized a group of athletes from the gym and offered a Crossfit-version of endurance training. Much to my surprise (you know crossfitters don't love long distance running, amiright?) we had a solid group of gym family committed to run! Our training included 3 day's per week of running and a strength session before each run. My resources, as well as my time/flexibility, are limited so I trained by running 3x per week in addition to my 5 days of normal crossfit. I know for me mentally, keeping my crossfit workouts present during the run training kept me motivated and interested. I'm afraid in the past, I simply just never enjoyed running (and still don't frankly) which led to my burnout and thus my quitting. Not to mention the knee pain I was having....by incorporating Strength sessions into our run training, we built strength and stamina at the same time.

I have to give a shout out to my girl Carri and her hubby Joe! If it weren't for their generous hand-me-down double stroller, training for this half marathon would have been out of the picture for me. I can't thank yall enough and this baby has got some miles on it now! Not to mention the kids loved to "hit the trails"!

If it weren't for these folks holding me accountable and encouraging me along the way, I probably would have just "quit" again. The community, or FAMILY as I call it, at our gym is simply incomparable. These people are so much more than gym-friends to me. These people are jewels.

Race weekend was a great time with awesome fellowship. We had an amazing group of athletes put in the work and watch it pay off as they crossed the finish line on Sunday. I firsthand witnessed my first ever race weekend, and what I saw was simply incredible. The people that run this race amazed me. From newbies (like me!) to experienced marathoners, the energy, guts, and drive out there on that course is exhilarating.

So I've heard it said before and now I'm stating it myself, "13.1 and done".
Let's go lift something heavy now.

crushing goals,
reagan

wild and free

new year. new perspective.
fresh start. focused vision.
exciting adventures. nervous changes.

I love the new year. My goal-setting, to-do list writing, planner loving self just thrives off of the turn of a past year into a fresh one. 2017. What will you hold for me? For my family? For my faith? I could pinch myself with excitement at the thought of those statements! But I am equally as scared and anxious at the thought of all the change ahead....

You see, I married a passionate and dedicated man. My husband is driven, focused, and he doesn't look back. If something new comes up- whether it be an business opportunity, fresh idea, spark of inspiration- he tends to blow full steam ahead! Michael is an inspiration to many, myself being his biggest fan. He doesn't stop for road bumps and he refuses to take no for an answer. One thing I'm learning about our relationship is that he tends to get his way in the end of the deal....but you know why he does? Because 99% of the time, he's right. Yep, I said it. My husband almost always has the right hunch about things...between his gut reaction and his God-led guidance, he just plain is. So, when he is offered an outstanding opportunity and his dreams begin to line up with God's provision for his life.....as his wife, and his biggest fan, I say YES.

The start of a new year give me free reign to focus. I can literally see empty months down the road and blank pages of my new planner and use that as excitement and a vision for our future.

fresh goals. fearless faith.
open eyes. open heart.
wild calls. confident answers.

big God.

Is the Lord calling you to new adventures this year?
Is God asking you to step out of your comfort zone and follow His path instead of your hunch?
Is Jesus your leader or are you continuing to hold on to control and write your own story?

I can hear Him calling you from over here, momma.
surrendering is the most freeing "goal" you'll accomplish this year.
And even if it's the only goal you reach, I can assure you that defeat won't win your heart for 2017.

running full steam ahead on Jesus {and coffee},
reagan